!!Warning!! The following jokes are writen in Guyanese and some swearing. !!Warning!!

One day two woman were arguing on the road. When a police man came to see what all the camotion was about.
The officer asked "pardon me madam, what's seems to be the truble here?"
One lady turn round and said "Well hear na, me bin a walk easy, na truble nobady when out of the blue this fire rass come fa buse me down."
"Wait a minuet let me see if I understand" sad the officer "You were walking along minding your own bissness and this woman abused you for no reasion."
The lady answered back "NO, NO, wasn't like no A buse or B buse was like a hole alphabet of buse!"

Down by the mines a chinee man had a goods shop. And every day this coolie man would come in and ask
"Chinee, is 'ow much fuh da shirt?"
Chinee would reply "three dallars?"
The Coolie man would then ask "Chinee is 'ow much fuh da pants?"
and Chinee would reply "five dallars?"
The Coolie man would then walk out the door not buying any thing. The conversation would occur every day, but the coolie man would never buy a thing.
"Chinee, is 'ow much fuh da shirt?"
"Three dallars?"
"Chinee is 'ow much fuh da pants?"
"Five dallars?"
so one day the chinee man said to him self "this fast coolie man a come meh shop every God dam day, and the b--ch na buy nuthing. I gon set fuh he tomarow le he come."
and so the next day when the collie man came to the shop and asked "chinee, is 'ow much fuh da shirt?"
chinee replyed "five dallars?" the collie man was shocked.
so he went on to ask "chinee is 'ow much fuh da pants?"
and chinee replyed "three dallars?" The collie man puzzeled.
he asked "chinee is wha mek yuh rase the shirt and drop the pants?"
and the chinee man said "so you could kiss chinee backside!"

A man walked into a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in Guyana and "passed out" on the floor. People gathered around to help him by fanning and doing everything they could to help him regain consciousness.
Someone peeled an orange and started squeezing the juice into his mouth, whereupon the man suddenly came back to life, pushed the person away and yelled,
"if ah did want orange, ah woulda fall down in de market."

Recycle

A Guyanese is having breakfast when a Trini man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Guyanese ignores the Trini who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:
Trini: "You Guyanese folk eat the whole bread??"
Guyanese (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Trini: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Trinidad, we only eat what's inside. The crusts, we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the Guyanese."
The Trini has a smirk on his face and the Guyanese listens in silence.
The Trini persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
Guyanese: "Of Course."
Trini: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In Trinidad we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Guyana."
The Guyanese then asks: "Do you have sex in Trinidad?"
Trini: "Why of course we do", the Guyanese says with a big smirk.
Guyanese: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Trini: "We throw them away, of course."
Guyanese: "We don't. In Guyana, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Trinidad.

Jonsey buy a donkey from Ramsingh, a old farmer pardner, for $300. Ramsingh agree to deliver the donkey the next day. Next day, Ramsingh drive up and said, "Sorry Jonsey, but I have some bad news. The donkey dead."
"Well gie me back meh money," said Jonsey.
"Worse news boy, I went and spen it already."
"OK, then. Just unload the donkey."
"Wha yuh go wid him?" asked Ramsingh.
"You doh worry, I go raffle him."
"You cyar raffle a dead donkey. Yuh mad or what!"
"Who say so....you makin joke. Watch me. I ent tellin nobody he dead," said Jonsey.
A month later Ramsingh bounce up Jonsey in the market.
"Jonsey, wha happen with yuh dead donkey boy?" Jonsey replied,
"Ah raffle him off nuh. Ah sell 500 hundred tickets at 5 dollars and ah rake in $2,500.00"
"Nobody eh make noise?" "Only de fella who win. So ah gie him back he five dollars!"

A California highway patrolman pulled a car over and told the Guyanese driver, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won US $5,000 in the state safety competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policemen.
"Well, I gun get a driver's licence, he answered with pride and jubilation.
"Oh, doh listen to him." yelled the Trinidadian woman in the passenger's seat. "He's a smart ass when he drunk."
This commotion woke up the Barbadian guy in the back seat. He took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we not gonna get far in no tiefin car"
At the moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a Jamaican voice asked, "I man mek it krass the barder yet?

In ah jungle live 3 monkey in this high high tree. Dah 2 monkey ah married and get 1 picney. Not far from dah tree ah lake. During dah aftanoon elephants does go and baid in dah wata. Dere was dis one elephant he does come around the tree where dah monkey dem ah live. When dah elephant does come he does rub agianst the tree afta each bath
So one day the elephant ah take he bath and he go and rub against the tree hard that dah picney almost fall out
So the mudda monkey run 2 tell dah fadda
"Aye ya goffa go and talk with dah big schapid elephant..Oh mi lawd dah ting and come and rub on pon dahtree and our picney almos fall out."
So dah fadda went to have a talk with this elephant. "U come around me tree and does rub against umm..U almost mek my picney fall out..So stop dah bloody foolishness"
So dah next marning dah elephant had he bath and come and rub against this same tree agian
and the picney fall out so dah mudda ah cry and run 2 dah fadda
"Dah schapid elephant mek we picney fall out" So dah Monkey run ah go and meet up with this elephant and jump pon he batty and start fah bugga dah ting
Yah rass yah come knock down meh picney
" I GONNA MEK UM BACK"
and dah elephant dunno wha ah gwan
The elephant den hit he knee pon a tree stump and make iggggggggghhhhhhhhhh nioce
and dah Monkey say "Aye yah b--ch yah nah feel ah grown man like me pon yah b4"

There was a buck man who had no hands so one day he gone up to de top of a building and he say dat how he goin to kill himself because he worthless in this world. He look down and he see another man with no hands dancing. He gone down and ask dee man "waz ya secret?" and the man say i ah have no secret i tryin to scratch my batty buy here u want to kiss it.

Two men were stoning a mango tree, trying to hit down a large mango right in the top, when one said to the other: "All de stone abie a stone, thinkie de mango na ripe?"
"True," said his friend, "Check it out nuh."
The first man then climbed the tree, went way to the top where the limbs were dangerously thin, felt the mango and came back down.
"It ripe," he said to his friend. "We naa fling stone fi nutten." They then began to stone the mango tree again.

Two fowls, waan from Rose Hall and waan from Canji, waak pass waan annada.
Boat ah dem tun rung ah de same time and deh eye mek four.
Rose Hall fowl seh, "Gyal, how much you masta does get fuh you egg ?"
Canji fowl seh, "eight cents".
Canji fowl den seh, "How much you masta does get fuh you egg ?"
Rose Hall fowl seh, "Ten cents".
Canji fowl den seh, "Well, rass, me ain able skin me batty any bigga fuh de sake of a penny !"

1.You own a copy of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai on video, cd, and cassette
2.You think Limachol and Vicks is the cure for every sickness.
3.All of your Jewelry is strictly from Liberty Ave or Jackson Heights
4.When something is $1.29, you fight to pay $1
5.You say "bugga king" instead of Burger King Â
6.You call a rolling pin a "belna"
7.You say "tree" instead of three
8.You call asian people "chynee "
9.You close your doors so your clothes dont smell like curry
10.You send barrels back home with canned foods and clothes
11.You get "licks"
12.Your wedding cake is either rum cake or black cake and when u go to weddings u take di biggest piece, then take some home to eat later, when u really plan to eat it in the car on the way home .
13.When you are at a party, you request the Dj to play "lotala", "chutney bacchanal" or "the frog remix song"(mere khabowmein jo aiye)
14.You wont date someone because ur parents force u
15.Your grandparents have gold teeth
16.You call Holi "phagwah"
17.You dont wash yo skin out, but yo "RENSE" yo skin
18.Someone in your family drives an outdated maxima
19.You use the phrase "oh s****" to describe when you are vexed, upset, happy, surprised, disappointed, and basically whenever else it needs to be said cause it's an all purpose phrase
20.You laugh till you in pain when you see a ad for POKEMAN
21.You think Teefin is ah skill
22.When old indian music come on your parents yell, "yah hear chune! Da rass is chune! Na wha all yo deez does listen to!"
23.You dont attend wedding ceremonies, you party at de reception and when you do attend wedding ceremonies, yo rass ah sit down quiet and nah mek naise, before the pundit halla pan you an' yo mudda have to "box yuh rass", and den when nite time come, yuh bruk out paan di reception hall dance floor, and yuh mudda...... di same lady wah beena halla paan you fi keep quiet, is the one winin' up right next to you at di reception!!! STRIKYLY GUYANESE

One hot day, Balgobin's grandmother decide that she could mek some paisa by selling mauby in front of de house. The house wuz situate at # 2 near the Canje turn and she was sure to get good business.
Naturally, she ketch Balgobin to sit by the roadside to do the selling.
It was a very hot day and the mauby sales was brisk. Balgobin only had 3 drinking glasses and 'e had to keep running bak to the house to rise them out before re-filling for the next customer.
The delay caused a particularly bad tempered hire car man to start cussing and buseing poor Balgobin. Yuh know dem hire car man, dey always in a hurry.
Balgobin ran into the house and grabbed the nearest container, a calabash. He filled it with mauby an gave it to de hire car man.
The hire car man took a big drink and then slammed the calabash into the ground where it shattered into smithereens. "yuh call this mauby? and ah aint payin a blind copper fuh this becauz yuh mek me wait too long!"
Whereupon, Balgobin burst into tears.
The hire car man shouted again at Balgobin, " Eh? Eh? Wha kinda anty man is you? Yuh cry because ah buse yuh lil bit?"
Balgobin: " Ah cry because yuh bruk meh granmother posie!"

A Trinidadian man, Jamaican man, and a Guyanese man went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the Guyanese wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped, and fell. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any panties. The Guyanese man angrily demanded to know why she wasn't wearing any underwear. Well, dahlin, she explained, you give me so little money that I hav' to make sacrifices. Usually nobody does notice. The Guyanese man pulls $100 out of his pocket. Here, go to Victoria Secrets and buy yourself some underwear. Two holes further along the Jamaican wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped and fell! Her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any panties either! The Jamaican man, obviously upset, asked his wife why she isn't wearing underwear. Well honey, she explained, you give me so little money I cahn afford to buy any underwear. The Jamaican man pulls $20 out of his pocket. Here, go to K-mart and buy some underwear. Three holes further on, the Trinidadian man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that she too wasn't wearing any panties. Her explanation to her vex husband was the same as the others. The Trinidadian man put his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb". The least you could do is to keep it neat.

There's this guyanese out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another guyanese on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" The second guyanese looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."

Guyanese, deh always wah breeze.....ah lady dat ah know tell meh de addah day dat she muddah come from Guyana fuh spen a few weeks wit she an she driving she up de wall. She seh dat everyday she muddah complaining dat she in getting enough breeze, dat de place hat-hat ... Meh fren decide dat befoe she guh to wuk she gun lef de door open suh she muddah cun get some breeze. Eheh ?!! wen she guh back home in de aftahnoon she see she muddah "swell up", she complaining dat de place suh hat, dat she cuddn't tek a lil res. Meh fren tell she muddah ... wel why yuh didnt tek a walk outside caws it cool ....de muddah seh to she ... well ah cuddnt guh an tek ah walk caws yuh lef de door open.....

There 4 people on a train a Guyanese man, a trini man, an old lady and a pretty girl. The train went though a dark tunnel and there was a loud noise "Wadaps!!" And when the train came out of the tunnel the trini man was holding his face in pain.
The old lady though to her self: that trini man must have tried to kiss that pretty girl and she slaped him. Good fa he, he too fast!
The trini man though to him self: that Guyanese man must have tried to kiss that pretty girl and she slaped me instead. That scamp!
The pretty girl though to her self: that trini man must have tried to kiss me but kissed the old lady instead. The old lady must have slaped him. Good fa he, he too fast!
The Guyanese though to him self: I hope we go though another tunnel so I can slap that dam trini man again. Oh God!!

One night stupide bill and sensible bill was teffin from the karner store. Sensible bill said to stupide bill "here bia you inside and pass out the goods to me, and I go put it in the bag, and keep watch. If anybody come halla like a kat. alright?" stupide bill nodded his head, and went inside. After about ten minutes the owner though he heard a noise so he went downstairs to check. The owner yelled “Anybody down there? You rass think you could teff from me?” stupide bill remembering what sensible bill told him yelled “halla like a kat, halla like a kat!”

Stupide bill was going on a boat trip. While waiting for the boat to arrive stupide bill noticed the other guys were smoking cigarettes. Then when the boat came they guys threw the cigarettes on the ground and mashed it down. Stupide bill liked this and wanted to try. So on the boat stupide bill got a cigarette and started to smoke it. when the captin saw this he told stupide bill to put it out right away. Stupide bill said ok and threw the cigarette into the water. Then he jumped into the water to mash it down.